Lunchbox/Soapbox: Bettina Arndt on Why Sex Matters So Much to Men

Well, I thought this was pretty dumb - not just poorly argued but also totally out of left field (some of those metaphors, some of those points!) and sort of bizarre.

Buuuuuuut... I guess I'm glad that it wasn't the usual centre-to-left politically-correct stuff. These are meant to be polemics, right, so I can tolerate the hardcore disagreement this stirred. I just wish Arndt had argued her points better or shown some semblance of insightful research practise. Her argument is pap and I hope there aren't too many women taking her advice.

The problem with stuff like this - political understandings about the roles of women and men aside - is that it sidelines nuance in a relationship. And yet for many people, of course, relationships live and die on nuance.

Don't lay back and think of England, ladies. If that's what he's happy with, you can probably do better.

I tried it.. and I was dry as!

Superb understanding.

Well, I got it. It was a pretty good description of my marriage. Most certainly we would still be together but for the sexual relationship or lack thereof. And now, I find intimacy very difficult.
Despite the naysayers there are many of us men out there who see the airing of these issues as good therapy and I just don't understand why people want to shout Bettina down.
Congratulations Wheeler Centre for providing a forum for this discussion.

Instead of making this a gender issue, maybe we can discuss how sex itself is perceived and defined in relationships. I'm really tired of hearing the same arguments. Let's be honest - neither men or women are getting what they want. Men want more sex and women want more exciting and fulfilling sex.

I've been married for 33 years and until listening to Bettina had felt isolated in my experience. I am very grateful that she has persevered with her investigations because otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to learn that my situation is shared by many men. I don’t feel able to raise these kind of issues with other men. Like others I love my wife but am saddened that she doesn’t see sex as a way of loving her. Instead it is me being selfish (‘getting my rocks off’, as Bettina reports). I think the point about post-feminist ‘right to say no .. for ever’ is very true. I feel in that dilemma that Bettina describes – can I / should I stay in a relationship where companionship exists and is very good but sex and physical intimacy are virtually out of the equation.

Bettina, I love you.